-
magicaltimes:
I’m not wasting $11.
I didn’t much care for it either.
-
jimrabbit: “Dear Graham, How do you type with boxing gloves on your hands?”
-
Tweak the Twerk
| Kate: |
I'm going to be late to CheckPoint, I'm still tweaking this footage. |
| Graham: |
I totally read that as "twerking" the footage. |
| Kate: |
I still don't know what twerking is. |
| Graham: |
I believe it's urban butt-dancing. |
| Kate: |
Oh, I'm doing that too. |
| Graham: |
Good, now get back to twerk. |
Tagged:
text,
-
Pika Planks
| Graham: |
Have you planked before? |
| Pika: |
Yes! |
| Graham: |
Have you planked on top of someone before? |
| Pika: |
I have. |
| Graham: |
Have you planked on top of TWO people before? |
| Pika: |
...Let's do this! |
| Graham: |
That's the spirit. |
| Pika: |
Should I get on before or after they plank? |
| Morgan: |
Wait, you've planked on top of someone else BEFORE? |
| Pika: |
I've lead a life. |
Tagged:
desertbus,
-
Treasure Tables
| Jer: |
Let me work out the math here... |
| Paul: |
"The DM takes 1d6 math damage." |
| Kathleen: |
"He is demoralized until the end of the next turn." |
| Jer: |
I AM demoralized by treasure tables. |
Tagged:
d&d,
-
Su-Monster
| Jer: |
A human-sized primate thing descends from the rafters. |
| Kathleen: |
Does it look like an orangutang? |
| Jess: |
OranguTAN. There's only one "G" in orangutan. |
| Cam: |
Yes. Oranutang. |
| Jess: |
... |
| Cam: |
Goranutan? |
Tagged:
d&d,
-
Loot the Room
| Jer: |
...also in this room are four coils of rope, three large pouches, six small pouches, 52 iron spikes— |
| Paul: |
Wait, we counted the spikes? |
| Jer: |
Little did you know you were entering The Temple of Elemental Lists! |
Tagged:
D&D,
-
Three Phrases
My grandfather once told me three phrases—concocted by he and his brother while in the army—that they figured everyone should know in as many languages as possible:
- Take off all of your clothes.
- My friend will pay.
- What time does your husband get home?
Tagged:
badass grandad,
-
Hurray for Customs!
| Agent: |
So, you go to Seattle a lot? |
| Graham: |
Yeah, I've got a bunch of friends there. |
| Agent: |
When we're you there last? |
| Graham: |
I honestly can't remember. |
| Agent: |
Really. You can't remember two weeks ago. |
| Graham: |
What? |
| Agent: |
You caught a flight from Seattle to Burbank. |
| Graham: |
That was a 90-minute layover! |
| Agent: |
And prior to that you were in Newark? |
| Graham: |
Also a layover, coming home from a convention in Boston. |
| Agent: |
Okay. And you always take your camera with you? |
| Graham: |
Yes. |
| Agent: |
So how I do I know you're not doing illegal work down there? |
| Graham: |
How do I prove I'm not? |
| Agent: |
Take a seat over there. |
-
"Consistent" is not "Good"
| Tourist 1: |
The lineup at Starbucks was too long. |
| Tourist 2: |
Well did you try that Tim Horton’s place? They got good coffee. |
| Tourist 1: |
Oh yeah, they’re known for it! |
| Graham's Thoughts: |
((No, they're known for HAVING coffee, not for it being GOOD. It is inoffensive and reliable, but not good.)) |
-
Could be Aliens?
I saw an older couple walking side-by-side today.
Her arms, rigid at her side. Her hands in fists, but the impression was not one of anger, instead one of keeping all her fingers neatly filed away.
His upper arms at his side, his lower arms bent 90°, meeting in the middle, with interleaved fingers over his lower torso. They were not rest on any sort of belly, the hands were being deliberately held there.
Their faces blank, their entire upper bodies practically motionless, they moved as if they were floating.
Freaked me the hell out.
-
Paraphrasing from Memory
| Graham (Aged 13): |
Yay! Disneyland! The happiest place on earth! |
| Mum: |
Well, I don't know about that. |
| Graham: |
What? |
| Mum: |
I think... I'm sure it's lovely, I'm just saying I feel there's happier places. |
| Graham: |
No, that's their motto. |
| Mum: |
Oh, well then. Still though. |
-
Why do I keep putting the butter away? Everything I’m making calls for it. It’s fucking great.
Kathleen
-
Hold Music Blues
| COMPUTER: |
[PLAYING A SYNTH/SAX JAZZPERIENCE]
|
| Graham: |
Wow, this music is officially my JAM now.
|
| Kathleen: |
Oh god, it's so bad.
|
| Alex: |
Yeah, what IS this?
|
| Kathleen: |
Hold music for the EA earnings call.
|
| Alex: |
Oh you're on hold! I was wondering.
|
| Kathleen: |
Yup. The music is piped in straight from the 1980s.
|
| Alex: |
I was like, "Kathleen has way better taste in music than THIS..."
|
| Kathleen: |
It is truly the peak of 80s ambient, jazzy bullshit.
|
| Alex: |
I thought maybe you were being ironic? |
Tagged:
chat,
synth,
-
Texts with Paul
| Paul: |
I'm in the food court or, as the French call it, "le food courté"
|
| Graham: |
Isn't it "LA food courté"?
|
| Paul: |
It depends on what restaurants are there. If they are girly restaurants it is "la", if it is manly places like steakhouses and burger joints then it is "le"
|
| Graham: |
What if they're exceptionally girly burger joints? Like, Princess Ruffle's Fluffy Burger Castle?
|
| Paul: |
It can go either way. That is why France has Académie Française, to make those kind of tough calls.
|
| Graham: |
Truly, a merci-less job. |
Tagged:
actual conversation,
texts,
|
|
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